im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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