Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
where am i from again
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
