no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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