ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
