he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
