One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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