I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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