I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
