I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
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You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
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It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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