Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
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Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
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Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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