We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
