this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
