She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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