I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
