On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
