That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
