shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
