Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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