I'm jealous of your bromance
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He passed out mid-signature
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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