He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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