I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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