Even the bartender felt bad for me
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
