My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
