so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
