There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
