you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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