the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
