I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I smell stomach acid.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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