I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
