and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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