well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
