ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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