I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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