goodnight i made you a song goodbye
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That accounts for only three of the penises
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize