I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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