your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
