1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
