Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
