Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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