when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
