Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
