I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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