The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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