Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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