And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
