apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
