so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
