Moan for me like Helen Keller
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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