i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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