someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Welp...herpes.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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