Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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