i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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