My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Randomize
