I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
