I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
