Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
