Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
