id be glad to
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
