K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
